Whileaway Freak

iam tired of trying to escape this goddamn nothingness that chases me all day. Its only religion is to ensnare me for nothing like the Victorian women ensnared eligible men in possession of large fortunes.

At times when i let my mind loose, it wanders like a stray dog barking and running after every thought that takes refuge in my mind. By the way that is my dog's, oops my mind's all time favorite activity.

Today when i let it loose, it thought of whether God is short of finance these days. Well i don't know. But i can justify my mind's chase (this time at least). Only a while ago my eyes had a privelege to look at a gentleman in spotless white Lucknowi kurta , stepping out of his Mercedes, a red dot printed in the valley of his brows and a few gold ornaments clinging and rivalling each other on his chest for the front position. Walking towards the temple , the dude smiled at the priest and handed him a thick bundle of notes to buy some gold ornaments for the deity too. As he walked out, flinched at the site of maimed beggers, bestowing them a scornful look and lavishly demonstrating his disgust without fishing for a coin or two to give them ,he was out of the killing heat and into his car and finally into my mind. It was then that my mind wondered whether God is running out of finance. Please do not misunderstand. iam not justifying the act of spreading out palms to perfect strangers and expecting them to change your fortune through alms while you mutter a blessing in return. That would defeat the purpose of my mind, rendering it unemployed just like the rest of my body.

The other day i went to the hospital to check out a doctor my neighbours had asked me. No, i don't snore that loudly. They were just trying to find a suitable match for their daughter and this doctor was a considerable match. i saw the doctor showing a patient his x-ray report. It said 90% blockage. 90%- something i never got to see in my report card.
The doctor left the patient as before-praying. Remember God at all times but chant him continually in illness. i wonder how God feels about all this! To know that, i imagined myself as the Supreme one. All i did after stepping into His shoes was cribbing- does sickness give the sick an ex-cathedra right to disturb God 24*7 ? Your right. Thats not what He thinks and
unfortunately i cannot enlighten you on what He thinks.

At times a feeling creeps into my brain that animals in a zoo lead a better life than we do outside it. i think about them when i see an aged couple in garden grumbling about the negligence of their children and then finally reminding each other that at least they have each other which makes it easier to accomodate in the corner they have been cornered to. Never thought greenery could be so soothing that it unburdens one of he suffocation one feels on seeing their over twenty years nurturing coming to nothing. But we were talking about animals and their luck, how they can evade trying times only because they are non human, no familial responsibilities Their only work is to cling to their loved ones, hug them and cuddle them. What more, they get photographed by tourists for doing that.

i don't know why i wrote this crab?
Maybe because my mind can't give refuge to new thoughts before the stale ones are let out. Maybe because it wanted to indulge in gossip. Or maybe because for once it wanted to do SOMETHING and diverge from the Gandhian path of "don't look at the wrong, don't talk wrong and don't listen to the wrong".
i know i have a totally different perspective. How can one shut his eyes when he watches the wrong taking place? How can one zip his mouth when he can argue for the right? How can one close his ears when he hears the shrieks of a victim?
i'll watch the wrong, i'll listen to the wrong and then i'll wake up the sleeping ducks (people like me who spend 33% of their lives snoring in bed) and tell them about the wrong and then k sera sera. Anything to help me get rid of the "whileaway freak" tag would do for now.