Letting The Floodgates Open...

i know i am writing utter crap. But isn't that the purpose of having a blog? To give vent to your feelings. i might end up not satisfying myself and disappointing you even more. So many ideas are rat racing in my mind that i cannot honor any one of them and say adieu to the rest..

i see a lizard on my wall. If you could only look at the manner in which it exercises its liberty! i bet you cannot figure out who the room belongs to. It is leisurely walking, no creeping all over. Now it is behind the portrait of Lord Shiva that hangs on my front wall. How can God privelege her with such nearness? But why not? After all the lizard is sinless. (lets call her Lizzy. "The lizard" seems very alienating and objectifying. She is already a part of my room now). Ya where were we, hmmm on that ever eternal debate of about sin and blah blah. Lizzy is sinless, never lied in her life, never hurt anyone, never abused anyone and never did anything that we humans deem a privelege to do just because we CAN do it. So may be Gos just felt like favoring the faultless new favorite. Lizzy cannot even trample an insect beneath her feet. Well , she cannot walk on floor. On second thoughts i think that the room belongs more to me. Enough of her now. i do not intend to write a panegyric on Lizzy. My blog must be ornamented with greater thoughts, thoughts of magnitude, thoughts that force one to think.

And for the past 20 minutes i have been chatting with this chap who does not seem interested. i do not know what to understand from this:
me: hey! hi
busy?
chap: hey!
not really.

Now what do i make of this "not really"? How can people quantify their answers? The interior of my mind shrieks "dude r u busy , yes or no?" But my fingers are not willing to escort my mind. Ah! so much for the sake of politeness. But does this chap realise that his answer leaves me oscillating between whether i should continue chatting or drop it? OMG, what a mind blowing speed! He takes ages to write. i expect a genius kind of thing and all he asks is "what came first? hen or egg?" He might not be interested in chatting today but then why does he have to act sweet? It is ok if he admits he is busy. After all being busy is not a crime. If all mankind could only make a small conscious effort to sound clear, to answer a yes or no question with a yes or no, the world would be so better. Say iam busy, let an apology follow and life would be so easy and stress free....( dont know why people want to master the art of beau geste when it is not everybody's cup of tea. their inabilty makes them all the more ridiculous at the receiving end)
But why am i being so generous with him? He is master of almost one third of my blog piece.

i strive hard at times to rip my mind of all thoughts, to let it be empty. In fact thats what i've been trying to do all along since i sat down to pen my thoughts down. But then i fear it might turn into a devil's workshop. Mummy says its bad, really bad. Then i picture this scenario where i sit frozen, a black and a white angel emit out of my conscience, addressing my frozen dummy turn by turn. Together they represent DHARM SANKAT. One of them talks of dharm and the other plans to bring about sankat. My dummy sits frozen, who should i side with? There is a knock at the door. Yes honey, i am out of my oblivion.

Finally there will be some activity to divest my mind of thoughts of Lizzy, of someone who wasn't really busy, of the two enticing angels. So i will visit my blog again when my mind is too loaded and i feel the urge to unload it at the sacred altar of writing.

Its just like letting stupidity drain out of my mind and i feel intelligent again. Liberating,very liberating, is it not?